As most people may know, today is Halloween. Now, I have been planning for this day for about a week now. By planning, I mean when Panda and I were picking up clothes for her from Goodwill for a shoot, it turned into us trying on various clothing/potential costume shopping. It. Was. Glorious. Amongst these gaudy and "fashionable" clothing of my grandma's clothes, we stumbled upon a couple of gems.
One of these gems turned out to be the most amazingly stupid ideas I have ever come up with; an Asian Princess Hooker, Kimchi. Initially, Panda and I were going as a pimp and ho; we even got her a costume! Then a good friend of ours looked at the picture of me and told me of how much I looked like Dora the Explorer. This is what came to be brilliance. With Halloween only being a day away, Panda and I had scrambled to figure out what we owned and the supplies still needed to create the final looks for my costume and hers; Boots. We went to our local ghetto-fab Walmart to pick up our items. From there, we spent part of our evening designing our clothes and the morning doing final looks. When all was ready, we headed over to Princess Queenie's extravagant ball.
Upon arrival at her palace, we acquainted ourselves with her parents, the King and Queen, and her other fabulous guests. When the clock had struck the hour of nightfall, it was time for us to wreak havoc on the streets; Trick-or-Treating. Yes, readers, a twenty-two year old man and other twenty somethings went out collecting candies and goodies from the neighboring palaces. Throughout this evening, people have questioned us (specifically me), given us advice, and given me some awesome quotes.
As we walked around this magical kingdom, many were confused about who I was. I had received many responses such as:
"Oh!...You look...lovely. Ha...haaa..."
"Well aren't you a lovely...fa...ir...y...?"
"You're a pretty princess."
"Who's Dora the Explorer?"
Granted, I was in a white ball gown and the only thing that said Dora were my hair and the AWESOME Map I drew and colored in a minute. But still people, Dora the Explorer? Who doesn't know who she is? Have you been living underneath a rock this whole time? I mean come on, I see your TV and cable running in the background, for goodness sake!
Then came the moments of passing by the interesting palaces. The first palace we came across had a mystery box standing tall in front of the pathway with a sign reading "Hit me." In my mind, all I could think of was being attacked by unsuspecting owners tricking its visitors into thinking we obtain a magical prize. With this mental debate taking place in my head, one of the members in our party ended up hitting it. As I looked around in fear of the surprise attack............nothing happened. So we continued on to the path and arrived at the gate. When the gate had opened, visions of beauty appeared before us:
Party: Trick-o...r...-tr–
Goddess: Why hello there! You all look amazing!
God: So which one of you guys in the group was the first to hit the mystery box in the front?
Our member boldly raised her hand. I thought she was done for.
God: Awesome! As your reward, you get a special treat.
She reached into the mystery box to receive her prize. I was gazing upon her face to get an idea of what it was; gooey, sticky, hard, soft? What was it. Then she pulled it out of the box and received a, as in a single, ping pong paddle.
Miss Rabbit: Umm, it's a ping pong paddle...
God: Yeah! There's your special prize! Woo!
She didn't seemed all that pleased. It seemed as if she would have preferred the candy. I later found out that the palace was known as the Frat Palace; because a bunch of frat boys live there. It made sense. They were the only young, handsome/gorgeous people on this concrete road. Granted, not everyone was ugly, but the ones who weren't were not a suitable age for me to date; ie. they're old enough to be my parents.
Then we came across the Exorcism Palace. You would think that you were at a church or monastery with all the crosses that were in their abode, but no, it was their palace. When you looked inside, the entirety of one wall was covered with crosses; gold, copper, brass, ornate, glass, big, small, everything. I was afraid that this palace was possessed and that I should steer clearly away from accepting candy from them, but the candy they offered were so delectable. Gave in to temptation? Absolutely.
As our journey progressed, we encountered some wondrous treats. We received gigantic pixie sticks that was sure to give me diabetes, large chocolate bars, a toothbrush, and my personal favorite; the Asian home. It was so stereotypical that I was in love with this treat. When coming across this foreign palace, I expected to receive regular candy. Instead, we each got lychee in various gelatin flavors. I was flabbergasted. This was not a treat I thought I'd ever receive. Upon further inspection, I thought to myself of how all the little white kids and parents would go about eating this deliciousness. Chances are, they've never seen anything like it.
With our journey nearly coming to an end, it was about time that people questioned us, especially myself. When we approached the various palaces, I simply kept to myself, had Panda talk for me, or talk in a high pitched voice that made you wonder if I was really a little girl. It wasn't until one house that I decided to just drop the ball.
Party: Trick-or Treat!
Elder Woman: Oh! Well look at all of you! You all look so darling! Here's a treat for you.
Asian: Thanks...
After receiving my gift from heaven, I had promptly turned around and began walking away. When all of a sudden I hear.
Elder Woman: "Oh, you're wel – Omg, was that a man?!"
Yes, viewers, I had tricked an old woman into thinking that I was a little girl. How I did that I will never know. Seriously, I didn't even try to look like a girl; all I had was the dress and wig. Then came the best part; teenage girls.
T-Girl 1: Wait, is that a boy?
T-Girl 2: I think it is.
At this point, the third T-Girl try to go all up on my face and ask:
T-Girl 3: ARE YOU A BOY?!
Girl, get out of my face! I don't want you accidentally kissing me! I'd end up in JAIL! As I avoided direct eye contact with them, I simply shook my head and scurried along. We had encountered these girls again at another palace.
T-Girl 1: Wait, seriously, is that a dude?!
T-Girl 3: I don't know anymore! I'm so confused!
Needless to say, I'm sure I made them question reality and how they perceive the world. That, and I was subtly teaching them the importance of discerning between a man and a woman. Sort of. It was dark, so I probably would have done the same thing. I probably wouldn't have made a big scene about it though.
At the end of our journey, these two little boys wanted to give us all candy before their mother forced them into bed. Like, she called us over and asked us to trick-or-treat at their palace so the boys would be happy. It was adorable.
As we ventured home, we passed by a palace we had already received treats from, but insisted we take more since they had plenty of leftovers. To which the man of the house proclaimed:
Man: Aren't you guys a little old to be out trick-or-treating? Shouldn't you guys be at a bar instead?
Sir, if this was your way of providing me with free alcoholic beverages, then by all means, please do. We certain that was him aim.........not really.
At the end of the day, it was nice being a child again. Even though I may have scarred some children and people. I may be the reason why kids grow up gay/lesbian. Whatever. All I know is, I had an awesome time with friends and this was an experience I would have never had in the snow trenched depths of Winterfell.
Here's to having more experiences and adventures!
Sincerely,
An Asian
